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[Jan. 10th, 2008|10:14 pm] |
hellooooo readers
(if there are any of you left!)
I have a new livejournal. Its jll1049. I wanted to write in a different one because this has just too much in it (it is 4 years old anyway) and a lot of stuff that I don't like looking at or thinking about anymore. I've moved on from a lot of stuff in here. So if I added you as a friend on that, don't get creeped out. It's just me. Hurray! |
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[Dec. 23rd, 2007|10:31 pm] |
It really doesn't feel like Christmas Eve is tomorrow. It doesn't feel like Christmas at all. Hell, it felt more like Christmas at Halloween.
Driving home from West Hartford today, I saw the saddest thing ever. This homeless man was picking through the garbage looking for food ... just food. He wasn't begging for money; he wasn't begging for anything. He was just picking through the trash for something to eat, looking around in those foam containers that you take food home from restaurants in. I really wanted to stop and help him. I should have bought him a sandwich or something. It's Christmas and this man is picking through the trash for something to eat just to get by. He has nobody in the world to care for him or give him something to eat - not even on Christmas. And I just got really sad and then I went home and I was thinking about it and just started crying for this man. I am hormonal.
It's just ... Christmas doesn't seem happy anymore. I don't really know. It doesn't have any magic left.
I'm not a kid who believes in Santa anymore. Hell, I wasn't one of those kids once I was five years old. I'm not religious. I don't believe in what the Christmas story is about. I go to church, but the hymns don't have any meaning to me anymore when I sing them. We sing about angels and Jesus and God and to me, they are just words. Empty words that have meaning for somebody else, but not for me anymore. The Christmas Tree - a symbol of everlasting life - yet I don't know if I buy into that. Christmas just doesn't have the sparks that it used to have anymore ...
I guess I like giving and seeing people happy, but that should be something that we do all year round - not just on one day. We should make people feel happy and go out of our ways to do this all the time. Christmas, by creating a time designated for being generous, creates a lack of generosity during the rest of the year.
I've written about Christmas and Christmas Eve being my favorite days of the year ... so how come I am starting to think this way now? If anything, I'm just kind of depressed about these next two days ... nothing special, nothing magical, no sparks, no warmth radiating from everybody anymore. They're just two days where people pretend to love each other. |
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[Dec. 21st, 2007|01:03 pm] |
Well not much has happened since I've been home ... but I will update anyway for Nadine because she asked and needs something to occupy her time in Germany, haha.
Home has been boring. All I have done is sat on my ass, babysat, substituted at the pre-school, and hung out with friends maybe once because I've been too tired/lazy to move after being a stand-in mom for the rest of the world.
Most intense experience of my life: bringing Cat and Sarah and one of their friends to see the Jonas Brothers at the Meriden Mall. I only did it because I got paid to and I am that desperate for money (because the orchard doesn't have any hours to give me - bitches, blood is thicker than water, wtf asshole family). Well, needless to say, I am surprised that I am alive right now to talk about it.
Picture this: literally 50,000 girls between the ages of 5 and 16 screaming at literally volumes I never thought my ears would be able to handle - and I've been to some loud concerts and been completely fine. I felt like an elderly person covering my hears, but it really was just that loud. Oh and of course they started about an hour late after we had already been standing there in the crowd of tweens for over an hour waiting ... and played for 15 minutes. And my cousins thought that it was the best moment of their lives.
Finally it was over ... but the icing on the cake was being stuck in stand-still traffic on 84 going home. But that isn't a surprise ...
I've been babysitting Meg, Paul, and Julia a lot too ... Meg and Julia are good but Paul is crazy and whiney and rah. I need money though ...
Nothing else is really new in my life ... 5 second run-down of the past two weeks: finals were fine, my grades are fine (PASSED ASTRONOMY!!! YESSS), blizzard impeded me from going to backstreet boys at the webster, part of the weekend was awful, things got fixed,
came home, sat around, watched children all the time, broke my windshield wipers, and here we are now.
Sunday I have to sing with Katie's high school choir because I look like I'm still in high school. *sigh* But it's an easy song ... the only thing is I have to sing soprano. I am not a soprano. This will be interesting.
Haha Katie works at a Unitarian church and this sunday apparently is "Wear your craziest Christmas costume" day - including horns, hats, and everything else you might think of. I'm a little excited to see what some of the crazies come up with ...
Other than that ... life is boring.
Maybe break will be a little more exciting after Christmas. |
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[Dec. 14th, 2007|01:27 pm] |
These pills make me feel really sick all the time. I hope that goes away soon.
Trust is funny. Why? Because once you finally trust people, they smack you in the face.
I don't know what to do really. |
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[Dec. 1st, 2007|01:09 pm] |
It snowed today!! On December 1st!!! I was so excited when I saw it on the ground outside and I wanted to go make a snow man but there wasn't enough snow ... and it's almost all melted now :(
I think I was way overly excited though to open up the first little door on my advent calendar. It's fun ... :-\
I want to watch Christmas movies. I wish I had Elf here.
It's freezing though. I went to go get Wendy's for lunch because I had an insane craving for it and I thought my hands were gonna fall off.
It smells narst in here because my roommate was throwing up this morning. I feel badly though for her because she seems really sick. Those are not fun times.
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[Nov. 24th, 2007|12:06 am] |
Thanksgiving is so great. I love it because it's the start of the holiday season and you get to eat and celebrate with your family, and yet when it's over, it's not depressing like Christmas because the holiday season is just getting started. With Christmas, it's great but as soon as that day is over, that's it. So it's kind of sad. But Thanksgiving starts off my absolute favorite time of the year. Seriously, the next month is my favorite time ever. If I could choose to live during just one month of the year for the rest of my life, it would be right now (minus the stress of finals coming up).
Yesterday was really nice because we had Thanksgiving just at my house with the immediate family and no annoying family members. The Huppers randomly showed up with my grandma, but it was good to see my grandma and they weren't that annoying. I've learned to block out the annoying parts. We went to my Aunt Margie's at like 6 for dessert, and that was actually really fun. I love my mom's sisters because I can actually be myself around them and we all have the same sense of humor. After, we played Rock Band, which is basically the most amazing game ever. I love playing the drums on it. At first I was awful, but then after one song, I was fine and now I want to learn drums and play in an actual band, haha. It would be sweet.
Tomorrow I should really start my paper ... ugh. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to write about. Rah. And I have to finish my Christmas shopping while I still have access to a car. And I have to grocery shop. And go out to dinner for my mom's birthday. And somehow stumble across thousands of dollars because I'm really poor right now. Rahhhhh.
Ok I'm tired. I need to go to bed. Ciao, folks. |
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| I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams ... |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|10:32 pm] |
I'm listening to Christmas music right now and I am so ready for the Christmas season. I know, it's not Thanksgiving yet. I don't care. I love it.
This one song is a little sad though - I'll Be Home for Christmas. It always always always reminds me of Grandpa because I remember when he used to pick me up from school it came on the radio and he told me about how when he was in the war, he would hear it and get sad and miss his family. And I went home and told my mother about it and she was like, "Wow, he never talks about that ever. He must feel a connection with you." And it just makes me think of him now. I miss Christmas Eve at their house. It was absolutely my favorite day, time, hours of the year. Hands down. Hell, this year might be the last year that house is even in our family. Life moves really quickly.
I don't want to get old. I like being young. I feel like I'm destroying my body. I need to be healthier. This will start tomorrow. |
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[Nov. 4th, 2007|10:38 am] |
OK situation:
I need to take 10 200-level english courses to get an English degree. I need to take 8 or 9 200-level journalism courses for that degree. I need to take 5 200-level psych classes to get the minor. This all can be achieved by graduation barring no big mess-ups.
Next semester: So far I am signed up for 3 200 English classes, a journalism class, and a 200 Psych class. I wanted to take Journalism 200W instead of the psych and I'd worry about my minor later, but because I'm technically not an official major yet (because you can only do that during 1 week of the semester - lame), I couldn't sign up for it. The thing is I have to take it because it is a pre-req for the rest of the journalism classes so if I don't get it done this semester, I'm going to have a hard time getting the rest done in time. I e-mailed the teacher and I can try to enroll in it on Tuesday, so I definitely am going to. The thing is I don't want to drop my psych class or stop working for a minor in psychology because I absolutely love those classes. I need classes that I will love going to. So I was thinking of just taking all 6 if I get into the journalism one ...
The thing is ... that's 4 200-level writing and reading-based courses, plus a 200-level psych, and then the other journalism is an intro 100-level one that should be easy (for UNH people reading this who might be confused, freshman and sophomore classes are 100 levels, junior and senior are 200 levels). That's a lot of work. I was thinking of trying it out if I get into the 200W class on tuesday and then dropping one of the english classes in the first couple of weeks if it's too hard and trying to take it over the summer (because I have more flexibility with what english classes I can take for my major) ... but I don't know. Should I not bother trying/stressing myself out that much?
Everybody has told me not to do 6 besides Miheer, but Miheer has the ability to work really hard all the time and I am lazy. I think I could push myself enough though. Well actually I know I could, the question is do I really want to put that much stress on myself? Thoughts?? Anybody?? |
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[Oct. 24th, 2007|09:37 pm] |
There are certain things I want to write about, but I'm not going to because I don't want to jinx them. So just ask if you are really curious about certain areas of my love life.
In other news ... I don't understand people who take pictures of themselves just like holding a beer or holding up a drink ... it's like "Hey look at me, I have alcohol!!!" Woop dee freakin doo. You aren't that drunk if you can do a model pose and make sure to position your "best side" towards the camera while holding up your drink so that the label is clearly displayed to the camera. If you were really as drunk as you claim the next day, you really would probably not even notice that the picture was being taken. Or you would be struggling to even look normal in it.
That wasn't directed at anybody in particular. Just in browsing facebook while I should be doing homework and seeing young drinkers take pictures of themselves, I just wonder what the hell is wrong with them. I hope I wasn't like that. If I was, this is my official apology.
Also - If Jorge and Mariano leave the Yankees, I do not know what I will do. They are my favorite players. Gah. I will be heart-broken.
I had something else I wanted to write about, but I don't remember what it was.
HAHAHA my mom just told me she got zapped by the invisible fence today. I don't know how this happened, but man I wish I saw. |
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[Oct. 21st, 2007|08:44 pm] |
Tomorrow is the anniversary of Grandpa's death. And I have PMS. And a lot of work to do. It's gonna be fun.
*sigh*
You know, a lot happens in 2 years. I can't believe it's been 2 years. It feels like yesterday. I can still hear a duet between taps being played and the sobs of my family. I can see the sun shining and feel the blue sweater, black peacoat, and gray scarf I had on. I can feel the wet handkerchief in my hand. I can feel it all still.
It's just ... hmm. |
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[Oct. 19th, 2007|11:27 am] |
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We are being infested with ladybugs. Seriously. It's like the birds only with ladybugs.
They are everywhere! There had to have been literally hundreds swarming the door/windows to hilltop yesterday and then there were a ton on Dan's floor, which creeps me out because then they might migrate up here. You couldn't even walk in without them flying on you and going inside. It has been horrifying.
Also - random power outage yesterday for the entire campus. It felt like the end of the world because Emily and I were in Music Appreciation and we were listening to Beethoven's 5th and right when it did the short short short longggg motive insanely loudly, all the power went out. So then we were kind of terrified and we walked outside and it was soooo gray and blah out and everybody was just wandering out of the buildings like there had been some sort of disaster. It really felt like a disaster movie, haha. So then we ordered cheesey bread for dinner because the dining halls weren't open and that was that. And then the power came back on right after we ordered. Oh well.
Tomorrow I get to see my puppy! :) Aw I miss her. |
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[Oct. 10th, 2007|10:34 am] |
Update: the guy who kept texting me asking me to come over and "make him food" has been arrested for assault. How am I not surprised?
When I read this during astronomy in the paper, I just put it down and laughed out loud ... and then felt awkward because it was quiet and people were staring at me laughing by myself.
Oh, life. |
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[Oct. 7th, 2007|05:00 pm] |
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My life is so weird. Seriously. When things happen, I'm not even surprised anymore.
Example 1: Last night I'm walking home from hilltop and there are random people outside my building. They call me over yelling, "Hey hang out with us!!" and me being drunk and friendly, go over. Well a few of them turn out to be male cheerleaders who show me some of their stunts. Haha they were cool though, not gonna lie. The rest are "gangstas" who knew about Waterbury and one of them actually used to live there.
Example 2: The random guy who I gave my number to while intoxicated last weekend when he bumped into us walking in the street keeps calling and texting me. I have one question for that: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? I don't even know who he is. I don't remember what he looks like. But for some reason he keeps texting me telling me to go over and "make him food." Uh ... pass. Example 3: I start to write my research paper for English today on Invisible Man. I decided for some reason to base my paper on all of the Freud references in the novel and to research that a little bit. Well, I don't know why I did not expect this because I really should have, but as I'm writing I am noticing that everything is about incest, castration, and the phallus. Come on now. I basically just wrote an entire paper on the cock. This will be an awkward one to hand in.
That is my life update for now.
Now back to the huge amounts of work I need to do. |
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[Oct. 4th, 2007|10:15 am] |
I had a really cool lucid dream last night. I realized I was dreaming and so I started doing all these crazy magic things like making objects fly and then flying myself. It was pretty sweet.
I am such a loser, hahaha.
I'm still sick. That won't stop me from donning my toga tomorrow night though.
Yanks first game in the playoffs tonight ... !!!!! |
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